Must Have Been A Hell Of A Night

Posted: March 30, 2015 in Guest Writers
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Sal Pavone “Must Have Been A Hell of A Night”


Cedrick woke up in a haze. Oh how his head was pounding and the birds chirping outside his window didn’t help any. He hated those God damn birds. Cedrick hated a lot of things. He never looked out the window in the morning. He hated seeing people do what people do at the beginning of the day. Going on with their lives, work and such. He thought to himself. Well, at least there wasn’t a nightmare of a woman laying next to him. None the less his head was pounding and as he gathered his bearings, he realized his bed was wet and he was fully clothed. What happened last night?

While he pondered suicide, he managed to get himself out of the bed and flipped his mattress over. Then he stumbled to the shower. While he was getting some relief from the warm water his stomach turned. He proceeded to throw up and beer shit all over the inside of the shower. Suicide was looking good. He thought about jumping out of the window of the rooming house but realized he was on the second floor. With his luck he would be paralyzed and not able to even jerk off. Sometimes all a man has is the ability to relieve himself with himself. Although he wasn’t very choosy when it came to the opposite sex. When you looked like Cedrick how could you be. He proceeded to clean himself up the best he could but before he got out he let out a steady flow of bile and beer. Alcohol when he had money, came before food.

He carefully stepped out of the shower and dried off. He went to the dresser and realized he had no clean clothes. What else was new? I guess alcohol came before clean clothes too. He rummaged through his chest and found his “cleanest” dirty clothes. Just like the Johnny Cash song he thought.

He was dreading going out to face people, society and life. Just then the phone rang. It was Ashley. She was ten years younger then him and had the legs of a thoroughbred but the brain of a squirrel monkey. While he was listening to the yapping on the other line he spotted a half pint of whiskey underneath the lamp. Finally he thought things are looking up.

“Ashley baby, I’m in a bad way this morning. Can you help me remember what happened last night? Baby! Baby!”
“ You worthless son of a bitch, don’t you call me baby!”
That was all Cedrick had to hear. He hung the phone up and made a B-line for the pint. He picked up the bottle and took a swig. That’s all a man needs he thought was a little luck. Something to go his way even if it was just finding a half of pint. As he downed the booze, he was beginning to feel better.
The phone rang again, this time it was Rodney,
“Cedrick, man you should have seen yourself last night. You got thrown out of every bar we went to last night. Whatever you do I would wait a couple of days before I went back to the Tap Room. Bobby wants to rip your head off for grabbing his girls tits. Not only that but Tara wants to cut your balls off for grabbing hers. You were a tit grabbing drunk fucker last night man. It was hilarious.”
“Not now Rodney! I can’t deal with this shit right now,” Cedrick growled.

As Rodney continued to talk Cedrick peeked out the window. Thank God he thought, at least my car is home. How the hell did I drive he thought.
“Hey Ced”, Rodney said, “can I come over? Alice is giving me a hell of a time. She says I can’t go out with you anymore because everytime I do I piss the bed.”
‘You’re not the only one’, Cedrick thought.
“I don’t know Rod, I think I need to rest my body a little. I’m getting a little to old for this shit.”
“I got a twelve pack and some coke,” Rodney said.”

‘Well’, Cedrick thought that doesn’t sound too bad.
“O.K”, Rodney come over, but God damn it don’t let me leave the room. I can’t deal with another night like that. I hate when I wake up and can’t remember anything.”
As he hung up the phone Cedrick reached in his pocket and found a fifty. ‘Holy shit’, he thought. See all a man needs is a little luck in the morning to get his day started. The booze and the coke don’t hurt either.


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