Dear Jon

Posted: May 18, 2015 in Guest Writers
Tags: , ,

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    Rondell, “Dear Jon”

 

Dear Jon,
I love you. I will always love you. I love everything about you. I love the way you speak, I love the way
you think, I love that gap in between your teeth, I love you in every way that a woman can love a man, from personal to universal but most of all unconditional. You treated me the way every little girl dreamt of being treated. For the very first time in my life, I was someone’s priority. You treated me like the Queen that I am, but never realized. You loved me back to life. You watered, loved, and tended to my damaged and broken heart relentlessly until I was able to love again. Like a precious jewel, you took care of me. I put my heart in your hands and like the rarest flower, you made sure I bloomed. Like a radio you were tuned into my soul. You told me you loved me, and proved it every single day. You put me first, above yourself, your son and your mother. You did all of this willingly, happily; never complaining, always compromising. You were the truth to every lie that was ever told to me. You believed in me before I ever thought of believing in myself. I’d been torn apart so many times, I’d been hurt so many times before until I prayed to God to send for me; to send his unconditional love through someone, to me…and then there was you. We would talk for hours about everything and nothing. Our alone, “ bubble” time became my favorite time of the day. We shared everything. I opened up about my most embarrassing, humiliating moments and my deepest fears and biggest dreams. In a click of a button, my world shattered into a thousand pieces. Every truth you had told me turned into a lie. Everything you did became null and void. All the plans and promises turned to disappointment and empty rhetoric. The pain that you meticulously loved away returned with the force of a hundred soldiers. I could not sleep, I could not eat, I could not think. Every day it rained. My heart started drowning, my vision went cloudy. I didn’t know what to do. The very fears that I told you about, the pain of abandonment, cheating, and the loneliness; was the very things you did to me. Finally I believed I was safe, that I was loved and wanted above anyone and anything. No distance or circumstance kept you from me. But all of that went away and all I was left with was immense, unbearable pain. I cried every day, all day. I couldn’t even console the kids when they cried, so we all cried together. The wounds that I now have are so very, very deep. I don’t know if I will be able to trust again. Right now, when I think of us, I try to think of the good times, but they are marred by the pain that comes. I was out with someone, and all I could think about was you. And I asked myself, why am I searching for what I had. I don’t know if there is a future for us. I love you, Lord knows I love you. I loved you with everything in me. I just don’t know if I can trust you or anyone again. I had so much hope and faith in you and in us, till I just-don’t- know.

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